Why Am I The One?

I have changed, according to them, and yes, I come clean, I sort out. Changing is not immoral, occasionally it is compulsory, inclined by the public, and somebody decided to change virtuously and transform into a bit exceeding his former. Or am I viewing things unjustly?

“You are different; you’re not any longer matching your earlier personality.” That’s the note I received from a pip-squeak. My initial reaction was to sense oppugned in my nut, and asks WTF? I can’t figure how someone chock-a-block of him would bestow ditto. I ne’er changed, that was my judgment.

I keep hearing my support system and social groups that it is 2014; it is a requisite to disremember the past and endure what contemporary transports. Yes, I suppose they have a point inasmuch as New Year means beginning de novo and overlooking the evil stumbled upon last year. It also means disremembering those who has done a little off beam to us.

But the badly-behaved I predict is I. Since my fresh-faced existences, it’s tough for me to forgive and forget, difficult but I still cope by some means. What normally transpires when I do? The bond is not like it did previously. A scratch is mete out and it’s arduous to get rid of it.

Past is history and let bygone be bygone. Tag additional excerpts human beings have held about forgetting the past. But no one can refute that there is veracity in this cliché: we can always forgive, but we can never forget.

The reference saying I’ve changed is factual, but only to some people. I stopped conversing, I avoided contact, and I don’t reply to texts, I don’t give a damn. Why I’m doing this? Simple! I don’t want them to do identical exploit once more. I’m merely saving myself from suffering equivalent hoary dejected melody o'er.

Now, I’m the one who’s viewed wicked to other folks’ discernments. Why I cannot certainly act the manner I reason? Why people continuously misconstrue my whereabouts? Why am I constantly the one who’s in the wrong? I act properly and general public would critic, act gravely and general public would swearword.

I exist in a realm somewhere creatures are perfect-chasers. I cannot offer them what they want; I can only give them my best. No more, no less.

And if changing is bad, from now on, my comeback would be: I DON’T CARE.

I cannot gratify all and sundry; there are those who are so stalwart to consider that they can force others to look after their desires. And if general public call me horrible for not following them, well I embrace the title and pompously brace it.

May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor

When I heard compliments about this trilogy I display insoucianceto get a copy and read, other books are at home yet I can’t finish reading it off, I’m starting but I’ll close it after some page. I also have copies of e-books in my phone and I can’t decide which one to read so I end up not reading anything for 2 years now.

It was during my third and fourth year in college when I dedicated most of my time to reading. I was able to finish the Twilight Trilogy of Stephenie Meyer in only a week. I also finish reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling in two days. I was able to finish some of the books of John Grisham and Dan Brown. Well, that was the time when I can stay whole night just reading. Now, what I want is to sleep. But due to the Christmas season, I was able to read once again and satisfied.

Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins --- I can hear from people that this is one of the best novels one needs to read. I was also able to learn that it is adapted in a motion picture and is also a blockbuster. I was still not interested. If you know me personally, you would have the knowledge that if I like something I’ll do some research about the stuff – a movie, album, and especially book. Just how I devoted surfing the net about Harry Potter when it was only going viral in stores. Before I even start reading the series, I knew most of the story. But in Hunger Games, it did not interest me.

But when I watched the Hunger Games movie with two other people last June 2013, it changed my mind and I was like “I want to read that books now.” But time would not permit me, there are a lot of barriers, like I’m in a story and to read the book is my goal but there are a lot of villains, ha-ha.

Not until December 2013, two weeks ago when I started reading the first book. Since I have watched the movie, I somehow knew the plot but I still find reading it fun. It’s different when I can vividly imagine the scenarios and I was able to know everything. In the movie, there are few details given. I love the idea, because it’s so warped and it makes me ponder and rerun settings in my head. I entered a world of bordering extremes, the Capitol with its ultramodern technology and bizarre manner and self-indulgence; the districts, many are poor that their technology has hardly advanced the use of electricity. I was enthralled in the progress of Katniss Everdeen’s character. You really get the nous that she is carrying the bulk of the world on her shoulders. The actual games are gut-wrenching and rousing. This joined with Katniss' relationship with Peeta Mellark, and the upshot from the finale of the games leave you hankering the second book.

Talk about a realistic character - Katniss doesn't ask to be the center of attention, nor does she want to be. She's not the most beautiful, charming, talented person in the world. She's just a girl who needs to protect her family and will do anything to do so. Every character has his or her own personality, and his/her own development.

Catching Fire is a splendid stuff and a fascinating read. Tensely paced, with Collins making you feel that things are about to explode on a larger scale, even as Katniss tries her best to fend for her own little corner. There are moments which are heart-breaking and moving, but then these are trailed on time by moments of horror and heartbreak and unexpected terrifying violence, and these turnarounds leave you sort of meandering in the airstream. There's no negating, though, that one inaudibly controlling moment when, Katniss, who had been thinking hard of taking her family and friends and skedaddling, decides to stay and tough it out. I felt like cheering when she declares: "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here and cause all kinds of trouble." That's the girl on fire.

 

Mockingjay, puts a great ending to a series, heart-wrenching. I couldn't stop reviewing the last few pages. Collins captures the true psychological aspects of a young woman's demise. But no literary piece is ever flawless, I somehow manage to think of other things which the author should have at least explained in one way or another, or a clue perhaps. The death of one of the character closest to Katniss almost seems like the author was just mad and wanted to kill someone off. No explanation and senseless. If you are going to kill off the person you spent an entire trilogy protecting then at least give it some build up so the reader can digest it, it is for her sister Prim. The ending is pretty much a drug educed comma of memories and delusions and exile. The epilogue almost seems like an apology for dragging this thing out.

I would have enjoyed the last book, much more if it were condensed to a sequel and if the ending was more complete tying up loose ends. Also I would like the main characters to actually have had a role in the future of Panem. Instead they just turn into some average Joe that is eventually to be forgotten.

As a good point, Collins ends the series in a gentle and peaceful way, and the reader discovers that which has been true from the beginning. Collins shows how the unmistakable yet subtle need for another human being can win out over all odds and become reinforced by the strength of love, intertwining the fates of two people together forever. I loved the action scenes.

I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys a wild roller coaster ride from a book. It really kept me on my toes!

Short Moment Shared with Friends during Christmas Season

When we were young, we wanted to be mature. And now that we’ve matured, we wanted to be a child again.

Well, I guess I share the same ideas with the lot of people, we may not say it directly but in our minds that somewhat makes us think. When I was young, I have all the time for myself and to play which is not anymore applicable to my current status. I have less time for the things that I really love, I can barely watch my favorite shows at night, and do I have favorites? In fact, right now I have no ideas what are the trending shows.

The difference between a child and an adult is a quite long list to enumerate. But one thing is very evident for me, this is personal. It was during my childhood days when I was able to meet the best friends I could ever hope for. We play at school, we play outside the school, and we play even during weekends when we’re supposed to share it with our family, bonding moments. But my friends would always go to our house and collect me, they would even think of alibis for my parents to allow me, leave with my friends without their knowledge, we’ll go to the beach, to another classmate’s house, eat, play, and enjoy life; not thinking of the assignments we have to prepare.

It was fun being a child, when all are pure and innocent. It was a part of our lives when we are just learning how to live and to be independent, to socialize and realize the importance of friendship.

Now, I am an adult. I can live without the help of my parent. I can go wherever my feet lead me. I have my job, receiving salary every month. I can buy some of the things that I just dreamt when I was a kid. Yes I am happy, but it is not enough.

I have a job, I need to be prepared every day in doing my work and in meeting different kinds of person in where I work, and also I need to do extra effort just to meet the expectations of my community and sometimes, my colleagues.

What I missed most are my friends. I have little communications with my primary and secondary school friends through Facebook. I can see from their posts that some are already married, some with a child of their own, some are successful, some are abroad, there’s still attaining their degrees, and what’s common to all? We are all busy.

Let me narrow my set of friends, college classmates. We call our sections THE FLEXIBLES, don’t ask me why. We are 13 in class, 3 males and 10 females. After graduation, each looked for a job and luckily all landed one. After a year, one invited for a party, night swimming near her place. All right, majority agreed and promised to come. Foods to bring are already settled, each one was tasked what to bring. The place, the date, the time, everything are well planned. But it was all a plan. No one comes; each has to do something else. And the planning goes on and on, but I cannot remember one moment when the planning really did happen.

Finally, after two years… December 23, 2013 and December 28, 2013 are the dates that I have to remember.

December 23, 2013 when I was able to share a moment with Juvy, Meden, Angeline, and Eva. We ate lunch at Mang Inasal – Naga City. It was fun because in the particular time, we updated each other personally with what’s happening in our respective lives.

The same things happened when Carla invited us in her place. Karen, Eva, Angeline, and I were among the present. It was a night with a plenty of foods.

We even had exchange gift. I received a pillow and a hunky. Love it!

 I really liked how things concluded in 2013. Hopefully, we’ll find more time this 2014 to see each other again. I’m looking forward to that event.

I want to end this by sharing you some of the friendship quotes I know.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis

 "It is one of the blessings of old fiends that you can afford to be stupid with them." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Solo Living, My Want (For Now)

                Everyone has a fair share of secrets. I have mine too, and since it is year-end, I want to disclose my secrets; only those that I don’t want to keep for 2014.

                Well, it took me a while to publish an entry in this site. What are the reasons? I’m quite busy to a lot of things I can’t anymore find myself in front of my netbook to let my fingers write/type the ideas that are wandering inside my mind. I was preoccupied by too many activities I’m actually failing to give myself the satisfaction of creating an article to relate my whereabouts to my friends and readers; and somehow for myself to read after some years from now. I’m a teacher in front of my students every weekdays but I’m also a student during weekends. If I find time for myself, I’m opening my social networking sites’ accounts to update myself of my friends’ activities and them of mine. And how it affects my free time? Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are actually consuming all of my lazy hours. Finally, I’m like “I need to write this or that” then drop the idea due to laziness, and what else can it be? I’m a sleepyhead my friends. As if all I want is to sleep, which is an act that my friends have themselves accustomed to already. What can they do? This is the “me” they need to deal with each day anyway. But I’m actually feeling that I’m slowly changing/disposing this sleepy-face-and-attitude since the start of the Christmas Vacation, I’m not sleeping most of the time. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? I really don’t know.

                Anyway, I decided this morning, December 31, 2013, to sit and face my netbook to write. There are things that I can’t say personally to some certain persons so, here.

                I want this to be short! I WANT TO STAY IN A HOUSE ALONE. I have a fair share of experiences that made me think of that DESIRE.

                I started boarding when I was a college student; I share a single room with my sister Joanne and her five classmates. The number is big, but it is quite okay because the room is big. The scene didn’t last long because her classmates decided to move out so my sister and I stayed. Later, other members of our family moved in. My sisters transferred school near the university I studied. I live there without problems; they are family so I can do my will.

                Comes my graduation and my first job. I need to stay in a place with my work friends. Now they are not blood-related in one way or another to me. I stayed there for ten months; my contract is only for one year. I was with eight other boarders, there were times when we’re dealing with misunderstanding but we managed to settle things easily. They are not easy to live with, and maybe I’m also easy to be with. I don’t know! During those moments, living alone did not ever enter my thoughts.

                Here comes the situation that calls for uprising and revolution in my mind. I need to move out! I need to live by myself. I wanted freedom. I don’t want to be told what to do. And, when at home – I somewhat want to escape the problems in my working place which will not happen if I continue sharing an apartment with someone I work with.

                Second job… January 2013, I move in with one of my co-teacher. At the start it was good. There’s no problem. If there are problems related to work, those are immediately solved. Three months passed its graduation already. How time flies too fast! Still, no problem encountered. Summer, I enrolled in MSES-BioChem, it’s the start of my not-yet-spoken-desire-until-now-to-move-out. (If you are reading this and you know who you are, well, I’m not good in doing this orally. I can relate effectively when I’m writing my thoughts down).

                First things first, I know I’m hard-headed at some things. And if you force me to do things that are against my need and will, well, you won’t like my actions. I’m not violent, I won’t talk with you. That’s what I do. And I don’t put much effort in settling with people. And that is what people would not like about me. But, there’s a big “but”, that only happen once in a blue moon. As I have already relayed, I guess I’m easy to live with. Just don’t do things overacted.

                Now, here we roll…

                He’s like “we-do-things-simultaneously” but I’m more of doing things “consecutively” – it doesn’t matter if I do it first or last; I’m used to perform things alone, I’m introvert and reserved. I have this problem; I seldom ask consent from someone in doing something. In like manner, I don’t want others to ask permission from me. One scenario, my classmate told me to apply for a library ID in the graduate schools. And I did. The problem was I failed to inform my co-teacher about the thing, I THOUGHT he will apply somehow. After knowing it, he’s angry. Wow, it made me furious. But don’t think it that way, when I say furious it’s only in my mind. I remember, I’m sharing an apartment with him (we have separate rooms), BUT I DO NOT REMEMBER giving him the idea that WE’LL DO EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME! I did not commit myself to him, for heaven’s sake. Board mates are only board mates! We have a share of things we need to do on our own only. This happened again when my classmates get there ID cord, so I get mine too. I did not tell him because I again THOUGHT he’ll get his. In the matriculation, what we paid for is all listed so if one has a mind, he’ll get what he’s paid for. Right?

                He’s like “I need someone to accompany me” and I’m like again “I can do it myself.” I hate it when I need to rest, I want to sleep, I want to just sit and play with my phone, or I want to read a book then he’ll call me to accompany him, even in buying something that does not concern me. Electric fan for his HRPTA project, amplifier as his project, even other not so important things. I don’t do that, because I value other people’s time and I highly prefer buying things alone. I can do it in the fastest way I could.

                He’s like “pay for the laundry and house cleaning” and I’m like “I can do it.” But when I’m reasoning why I don’t want to ask for other hands to clean my clothes, he’ll stick in my nose the notion that “we do help in paying for their expenses.” Now where will I place myself? I thought I’m living in a democratic country but I feel like I don’t practice my freedom. I’m to do HIS WANTS. He’s 7 years ahead of me that’s why he’s have more say to things, I’m like the “what-he-thinks-I-follow-freak” and I hate it. Me being able to wash my laundry is not just the reason, I also need to help myself to be frugal. But I’m paying for the service every week. It’s becoming a burden already in my part. I guess I can do an action for this matter this 2014. I wish I could do it. Hmmmm. There’s still one reason why I want this paying to end. Read further.

                He says “I’m sensitive” and I say “I don’t mind.” It is somewhat good to be sensitive but don’t be over.

                There are still long lists of reasons WHY I WANT TO MOVE OUT but I notice this is quite long already. But there is one more thing that I want to reason, and I don’t want this to be kept inside my head, I want this expressed.

                To you: GO GET A LIFE! I mean, FIND SOMEONE TO MARRY. This is addressed to you! Think as if I’m talking in your face.

                I hated you from the first night you started touching my body. I even went down to the living room, thinking WHAT THE F**K! You said you’re sorry and you’ll not do it again so I forgive you. Anyway, nothing really happened that night, you only moving your hands in my body. But each time we are sharing the same room, because we have guests to use your bed, I can’t sleep soundly for I am thinking you’ll start rubbing your hands on me again. When I’m already sleeping, I would wake up because I can feel a hand is rubbing my crotch. Your acts made me hate you; feared you more. But I cannot confront you, I’m not vocal and you always act like nothing happened.

                I thought hating and fearing you would end your act but I was so wrong. It continued and all I could do is to sleep but place myself very close to the wall just to be away from you but I’m at your reach whatever I do. I hated myself because I don’t have the strength to confront; I’m only good at BEING SILENT.

                My rights were intruded when one night we were drinking liquor with your friends. I remember saying I cannot take another shot because I’m drunk already but you insisted leading me to my very first vomit due to drunkenness. It does not end there, I was knocked out. I fall asleep easily but I woke up when a hand is harshly touching my body, my arms, and held my manhood. I tried to remove your hands from holding my cock but I’m weak due to that damn liquor. Next thing I know, I was only wearing my shirt. My short and underwear are removed; you were holding my then flaccid cock, jerking it to erect. And I did not like the feeling when your mouth gets hold of my cock. I’m weak! I cannot even stop you and you used my weakness to taste me without my will. I feel like a slave. You know that feeling? I don’t think so.

                From that moment on, I look to you differently. I act like I don’t know that it happened, like I was too drunk to remember. But you have no idea how it changed the way I act towards you. I laugh at your jokes and comment on your questions but it was not like before. I act differently; I don’t respect you the way I did before. And I always want to be home, with my family. Just like what I did before the Christmas party.

                I’m observing you, the way you look, you talk, your facial expressions, your gestures, and how you deal with others especially with the people we worked with. You are open-minded as you said in a Facebook comment. You added that open-minded persons have plenty of friends, yes, but you still need to consider the people you work with each day. I did not buy the way you post status on Facebook, not pointing out the name but it was very obvious. That act a real man cannot do.

                There! Some of my thoughts. I want to live my life without the need to think other people. I want to sleep when I want; I want to eat when I want, where I want and what I want; I want freedom not to be dictated what to do or to follow norms. Yes, I’m act soft because that who I am. I don’t make pretend.

                For your information, at least I’m letting you know. I decided not to watch Vice Ganda’s “Girl, Boy, Bakla, Tomboy” to show my own way of uprising. And I watched Pagpag Movie with college classmate. You need to remember: I do it my own and my way!

                As my favorite line from an-author-I-forgot-the-name goes, “I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectation, nor the world must live up to mine.”

                This entry maybe about my sentiments, as I’ve said. I want these to be told so that I’ll not keep these till 2014. The person is safe for no name is given. He may be known by his friends who knew me only.

                Happy New Year!! 2014, be good to me!

Random Instagram Photos

Here are just some of the photos I uploaded and shared in my other accounts for social networking; Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

Well, since I post anything in this page, I want these to be here too. He he!

#CRAZINESS101

I asked my fourth year students to prepared a speech choir in English class, I gave them the piece and everything. But they were not ready during the day of the presentation. Look at my face, EPIC. Sermon after the activity. I was angry I actually said it was the worst speech choir I have ever watched in my life. I don't mean to hurt them, I just want them to think and be responsible students. I actually compared them to the third year students who also prepared the same activity. They presented way better than the graduating class.

This one was taken before we conducted school campaign.

Another photo before the school campaign. Well, I don't look well in cap. Ha ha

Which of these is mine? Ha ha! I was with Sir Nilo and four other students when we went to Malansad Viejo Elementary School for the school campaign.

Jump shot. Vain! Ha ha

Wahh. Speechless. #Boom

The next three photos were taken during our swimming at Bagadion, Libmanan, Camarines Sur. I was with the fourth year students and their adviser, this happened after the graduation day.

That's me. If you will see me you'll think I'm only a student. I'm so young but mind you, you won't see that when I'm in class specially if students are not acting properly.

Anyway, I just enjoy my life.

You can follow me on instagram, emorej070068 is my username.

Recollection

As requested by Dioney Fuenzalida, I decided to upload the video presentation we let them watch during the last day of their recollection/retreat.