If She Only Knew

One fine Sunday afternoon, I was listening to songs alone while doing something on my laptop when I heard a beep from my cellphone. By the way, I was alone because mama went to Libmanan to attend the Church Sunday Service and my sister was at the school attending her band practice. My other siblings were with mama.

Let us go back to the message. It was from Diane, my co-teacher at APMI - Pasacao. She was reminding me of the date I was invited to come to her house for their place's fiesta that was on May 15, 2012. She already sent me a message informing me of the said event the night before that massage came. I actually laugh because she sent the message without checking the grammar; the message says, “You are invited to eat my house this May 15, Tuesday. Don't miss the date.”

I do not have a cellphone load when I received the message so I was able to reply the next morning. I quoted her message first and told her that I cannot eat their house, ha-ha. I am really like this, I notice even the smallest detail of messages I'm receiving. Fortunately, bad karma is not coming to me yet because I really check everything first before sending them.

Concerning her reminding message, I replied that I have a personal business on Monday and told her that if I cannot finish the said business I might be asked to return the next morning. So, sadly I might not come. If there will be no problem with my schedule I would really go since it was a month already when I last had a chance to talk with them. She also informed me that our other co-teachers will be around.

After a minute, she replied with a sense of “panghihinayang.” She also added “Iba na talaga pag-regular na.” She meant I, being a regular public school teacher can't attend to occasions once in a while. Therefore, it made me think. I am not yet hired because I was rejected on the first item offered for me since a certification of good standing was a requirement I cannot supply. The reason was that my license was not yet at the regional PRC so they cannot release my good standing yet. Sad but true.

Monday, my business was to meet Mrs. Nilo of Malansad Nuevo, Libmanan, Camarines Sur. Hopefully I will be hired because the school where she is the head needs a Physics teacher, I am available for the position. I am really crossing my hands and praying that I will finally land a permanent job.

For Diane, if you only knew. I wanted to come but if something happens and my path does not cross yours, sorry. I will just hope that on the following fiesta, I will still be invited. LOL

By the way, that fine Sunday was also the day when we pay tribute to our mothers. There was a lot of fun because of mama; she kept on talking about the pellets discussed to them by a doctor. The idea just made us all laugh. What a fine Sunday for us.

A Message To My Mama

Mama,

Why are you so difficult to describe? It has been an hour yet I cannot think of a good start. Maybe because words are not an adequate amount of to express the kind of love and care that you give to my sisters and me. However, even if words are never enough to pay acknowledgment to you who brought us into this world, I will still try because you do not just deserve a day, you deserve our entire lives. Here is my simple message for you.

There was a time when I was still in your womb, a time when I was not yet capable of living and a time when you started caring for me. If something bad comes about to you prior to that day when you deliver me out of this world, there might be no me today. Therefore, I want to thank you for raising me with all the love you can give me.

You may not be lined up with the names like Cory Aquino, Cleopatra, Empress Dowager Cixi, Queen Elizabeth II, Madonna, Golda Mier, Queen Rania Al-Abdullah, or any other powerful woman names; without any standard, I am saying you are the best mama in the world.

I recognized from the start that you were fighting for our family; you have triumphantly passed all difficulties, and tried your best to keep our family intact. It is known to me that papa had made several mistakes resulting to troubles that may have cause our family to break. I saw the nights and days when all you can do was to cry. I witness how you keep your faith to Him, our dear Lord, and continuously ask for His guidance, wisdom, comfort, calmness, right judgment, and peace of mind.

I was very lucky to have you as my mama; you were always there for me. Raising us was not easy, especially the time when we were still attending our schools. Papa was there helping us but if it was not because of you there would have been no one in the family who will finish their degree. It is said that children are the blessings to the parents but it is the other way around for me, the moment you gave me life you became a blessing to me.

There are countless reasons to thank you. Thank you for the smiles, for the laughs, for sending me to school, for giving me advices, for the lectures, for everything, for the life. You never were a selfish to me even once. I also want to thank you for the butt hits because it made me realize my mistakes and it showed me how much you love me you wanted me to change my misconducts.

I wish also to say sorry for all the misbehaviors I showed you. I know I have been a good son but I also bring you many headaches. Sorry for not cleaning the house, for not washing my clothes, for not doing any household chores, for the high bills because I am always in front of my laptop, for the sermons I opt not to listen, for the lies, for the troubles, for the cries, sorry for all my wrong doings.

I know I am not the best child you could ever ask but I also know that what you only want is for me to be happy. I want to reassure you that I am already happy with who I am now. You will always be here in my heart.

I may not always say this because I am a bit shy and I am not comfortable saying these words but I love you mama. I will always love you. If you have problems, you can always count on me. Now that I am close to being a public teacher, you can count on me even on financial matters. That’s for sure, Mama. Do not think of problems, they will eventually pass. Stay strong and healthy. Keep your faith in God.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Your loving son,

Jerome

Countless Success and First Breaking Frustration

I WAS NOT EXPECTING THINGS WOULD CRACK OUT THIS WAY!

When I registered my name in the Education Department, I have no reservations that I can make it until the last. I did all my best in each subject and very rewarded to be given high grades virtually in all subjects by the closing of semesters. There are also subjects I attain low grades but you can count it with your fingers. With such account, I graduated as one of the honor students. Yes, not all can do such feat. That honor is not only attached to my name, I share it with my parents. I may not constantly listen to them say it but I am quite certain they are full of pride of me. This is a success.

Right after graduation, I have no plan of getting a job because I made a decision to focus on reviewing for the Licensure Examination for Teachers. However, things transpire if it must and no one can stop it. I was convinced by my classmate Carla to submit a resume in the school she was hired as teacher. On the day I submitted my resume, I was instantaneously hired. Therefore, I had my first teaching experience at APMI and I enjoyed the whole kit and caboodle about it. There are no regrets. I shared the days and nights with teachers that are always on the go, I had educated the best students, I laughed a lot, and most of all I raise the value of the life God has intended for me. It was merely 10 months yet it felt like forever. That is another success.

Six months after my graduation, I took the Licensure Examination for Teachers, September 25, 2011 to be exact. It was a day with combined easy, average, difficult and very difficult questions. The Professional Education questions were easy but the Major Field questions were all mind blowing and it was given in the afternoon, we all had drained half of our brains already. There were too many computations because my Major is Physical Sciences. I tried to calculate all computations and so glad to get similar answer to the options given, however there are those computations I do not even know where originated. While waiting for the results to be disclosed to the public, I sensed uneasiness whenever it came on my thoughts. Although, I am confident that I passed the exam, I am not in terms of getting high rating that is very important in ranking. November 17, 2011 when I received a text message telling the result was released. My initial reaction was to ask if I was in the list and it was confirmed when I saw my name on it. Yeah, that adds to the list of success stories of mine.

I learned that I passed the exam but it does not end there. A week or two passed, we can now verify our ratings through the Professional Regulation Commission’s website. I was just expecting a 75 or 76 rating but what I saw was 80.2 and that is high.

A month later, I was told that there is a ranking going on. My aunt gave me a call and gives me instructions. When the call ends, I weigh things because in that time, I was already enjoying the environment of my workplace and I was not yet ready for public school so I was hesitant. What made me decide to apply for ranking was the statement by my aunt, “Do it for your mom!” Yes, that made things easier; I want to help mom with the expenses. Not only that, the salary I was receiving was not even enough for me. I was actually two days late for the ranking process but there are things that occur behind the stage. Four months later, the result was posted but to my surprise, my name was not on the list. Initially, I sent a text message to my aunt to ask the reasons for the name of the applicant to be not included in the list. She replied with two options, it is either my name was omitted or I failed to receive a rating of 50%. As a calming mechanism, I was reassuring myself that my case was the first but I cannot help it to be afraid. To stop me from guessing, I entered the Promotion Office and asked for my result that was actually not yet posted, it was omitted. That surely makes me cool, calm and collected. Moreover, I fall on Category A that means group of qualified applicants that are first prioritized for vacant items.

Due to that result, one school head from Magarao informed me that her school has vacant item and asked me if I was interested, I said yes. This school head arranged one afternoon to talk with me. She said I needed to get a certificate of good standing at PRC for the reason that it is needed for the approval of the recommendation letter. May 6, 2012, I go to Legaspi to request the required certification but to my dismay, I cannot have it for my license is not yet processed. I refer this matter to my aunt, she told me that maybe I can present any document that will prove I am a so-called licensed teacher. However, around 6:33 PM, she called with her frustrating message. She told me that I would not be recommended if I would not obtain my good standing certificate. She even made a call to the Superintendent and asked if I can supply other document but it was not approved.

That was frustrating and I came to blame the Professional Regulation Commission – Bicol. I was told during my registration that I can claim my license after three months but it has been five months yet it is not yet available. Now, they are telling me I can have it by June.

I have undergone the correct process and have qualified the position. I guess, there is a need to consider that I am a new passer so I cannot provide all the requirements. Just like what my aunt said, I made an effort to obtain it. My point, since I am already in the system maybe they can allow me to submit the paper when my license is released.

Another thing, if I would not get the vacant item I would have to wait for another post again. I am sure that would be for a couple of months and that is a long time of waiting.

Really, this is a complete illustration of the starting line of Mariah Carey’s song “I Wish You Well.”

When glory days turn to stormy night,

You must have been so petrified.

What can I do now? I might just pray that things will work out fine again. I am crossing my fingers, hoping and continuously hoping… I am leaving this thing to the Lord. I am sure He has His plans for me and if this is not yet my time, a better one will eventually be provided for me.

* * *

Wow, this became very long. Thanks for reading this verbose writing. I needed this one, BADLY.

AFTER READING THIS NOTE, YOU WILL REALIZE THAT IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT RIGHT.

This is not my story but I am sharing this for you to ponder. This is long so I suggest read this if you are not busy or if you really want a good read that will surely make you realize one thing or two. This may not be true to you but this is to your parents.

* * *

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again, I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. — At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…

* * *

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

A Story of Appreciation

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision. The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score. The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none". The director asked, “Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees. The director asked, “Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect. The director asked, “Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than I can. The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid. The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water. This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes every day to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future. After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: “Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?" The youth answered, “I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes' The Director asked, “please tell me your feelings." The youth said, Number 1, I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, there would not be the successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship. The director said, “This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired. Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously. A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead? You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a house cleaner, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow grey, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done. You would have forwarded many mails to too many and many of them would have back mailed you too...but try and forward this story to as many as possible...this may change somebody's fate. >>anonymous

Love vs. Sex

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the police officer asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98% of teenagers would not stand up for God? Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly believe in God. PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you. I bet 93% of the people that read this won’t repost it. I read this and reposted it. Well I bet you read this note because of the title, didn't you?

Enough with the 'PROMISES'

MUCH HAS BEEN SAID! :/

“Jerome, you were absent on the wedding ceremony!” This probably was the worst sentence I was thinking I would receive from my social group but I was wide of the mark. This one certainly did: “But you PROMISED…”

For me NOT SHOWING UP on that day, there was a big intention. I really had a plan to go; in fact, I arranged my things prior to the day of departure. However, there are things we declare uninvited and no matter how hard we try to avoid it will find its way to break the assurances made. There are invites we need to drop for another invite, a bigger one.

I was sad and the feelings doubled when that “promise thing” occurred. I opt not to answer the comment but it is not helping and writing this helps me muddle through the sadness, displeasures, blues, regrets, and the like.

If the word SORRY can bring back the time I will say it for a thousand times but unluckily it will not. Therefore, there is no point in insisting.

Perhaps there is no need to reiterating my absence. In one way or another, that is an act of being childlike.

Promise-breaker can be a good description you are considering for me, what can I do? Anyway, I proved them right. Perhaps, I might just bear the title and be it. Hahaha

#BitterNaTuloy