Why Am I The One?

I have changed, according to them, and yes, I come clean, I sort out. Changing is not immoral, occasionally it is compulsory, inclined by the public, and somebody decided to change virtuously and transform into a bit exceeding his former. Or am I viewing things unjustly?

“You are different; you’re not any longer matching your earlier personality.” That’s the note I received from a pip-squeak. My initial reaction was to sense oppugned in my nut, and asks WTF? I can’t figure how someone chock-a-block of him would bestow ditto. I ne’er changed, that was my judgment.

I keep hearing my support system and social groups that it is 2014; it is a requisite to disremember the past and endure what contemporary transports. Yes, I suppose they have a point inasmuch as New Year means beginning de novo and overlooking the evil stumbled upon last year. It also means disremembering those who has done a little off beam to us.

But the badly-behaved I predict is I. Since my fresh-faced existences, it’s tough for me to forgive and forget, difficult but I still cope by some means. What normally transpires when I do? The bond is not like it did previously. A scratch is mete out and it’s arduous to get rid of it.

Past is history and let bygone be bygone. Tag additional excerpts human beings have held about forgetting the past. But no one can refute that there is veracity in this cliché: we can always forgive, but we can never forget.

The reference saying I’ve changed is factual, but only to some people. I stopped conversing, I avoided contact, and I don’t reply to texts, I don’t give a damn. Why I’m doing this? Simple! I don’t want them to do identical exploit once more. I’m merely saving myself from suffering equivalent hoary dejected melody o'er.

Now, I’m the one who’s viewed wicked to other folks’ discernments. Why I cannot certainly act the manner I reason? Why people continuously misconstrue my whereabouts? Why am I constantly the one who’s in the wrong? I act properly and general public would critic, act gravely and general public would swearword.

I exist in a realm somewhere creatures are perfect-chasers. I cannot offer them what they want; I can only give them my best. No more, no less.

And if changing is bad, from now on, my comeback would be: I DON’T CARE.

I cannot gratify all and sundry; there are those who are so stalwart to consider that they can force others to look after their desires. And if general public call me horrible for not following them, well I embrace the title and pompously brace it.

Short Moment Shared with Friends during Christmas Season

When we were young, we wanted to be mature. And now that we’ve matured, we wanted to be a child again.

Well, I guess I share the same ideas with the lot of people, we may not say it directly but in our minds that somewhat makes us think. When I was young, I have all the time for myself and to play which is not anymore applicable to my current status. I have less time for the things that I really love, I can barely watch my favorite shows at night, and do I have favorites? In fact, right now I have no ideas what are the trending shows.

The difference between a child and an adult is a quite long list to enumerate. But one thing is very evident for me, this is personal. It was during my childhood days when I was able to meet the best friends I could ever hope for. We play at school, we play outside the school, and we play even during weekends when we’re supposed to share it with our family, bonding moments. But my friends would always go to our house and collect me, they would even think of alibis for my parents to allow me, leave with my friends without their knowledge, we’ll go to the beach, to another classmate’s house, eat, play, and enjoy life; not thinking of the assignments we have to prepare.

It was fun being a child, when all are pure and innocent. It was a part of our lives when we are just learning how to live and to be independent, to socialize and realize the importance of friendship.

Now, I am an adult. I can live without the help of my parent. I can go wherever my feet lead me. I have my job, receiving salary every month. I can buy some of the things that I just dreamt when I was a kid. Yes I am happy, but it is not enough.

I have a job, I need to be prepared every day in doing my work and in meeting different kinds of person in where I work, and also I need to do extra effort just to meet the expectations of my community and sometimes, my colleagues.

What I missed most are my friends. I have little communications with my primary and secondary school friends through Facebook. I can see from their posts that some are already married, some with a child of their own, some are successful, some are abroad, there’s still attaining their degrees, and what’s common to all? We are all busy.

Let me narrow my set of friends, college classmates. We call our sections THE FLEXIBLES, don’t ask me why. We are 13 in class, 3 males and 10 females. After graduation, each looked for a job and luckily all landed one. After a year, one invited for a party, night swimming near her place. All right, majority agreed and promised to come. Foods to bring are already settled, each one was tasked what to bring. The place, the date, the time, everything are well planned. But it was all a plan. No one comes; each has to do something else. And the planning goes on and on, but I cannot remember one moment when the planning really did happen.

Finally, after two years… December 23, 2013 and December 28, 2013 are the dates that I have to remember.

December 23, 2013 when I was able to share a moment with Juvy, Meden, Angeline, and Eva. We ate lunch at Mang Inasal – Naga City. It was fun because in the particular time, we updated each other personally with what’s happening in our respective lives.

The same things happened when Carla invited us in her place. Karen, Eva, Angeline, and I were among the present. It was a night with a plenty of foods.

We even had exchange gift. I received a pillow and a hunky. Love it!

 I really liked how things concluded in 2013. Hopefully, we’ll find more time this 2014 to see each other again. I’m looking forward to that event.

I want to end this by sharing you some of the friendship quotes I know.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis

 "It is one of the blessings of old fiends that you can afford to be stupid with them." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Solo Living, My Want (For Now)

                Everyone has a fair share of secrets. I have mine too, and since it is year-end, I want to disclose my secrets; only those that I don’t want to keep for 2014.

                Well, it took me a while to publish an entry in this site. What are the reasons? I’m quite busy to a lot of things I can’t anymore find myself in front of my netbook to let my fingers write/type the ideas that are wandering inside my mind. I was preoccupied by too many activities I’m actually failing to give myself the satisfaction of creating an article to relate my whereabouts to my friends and readers; and somehow for myself to read after some years from now. I’m a teacher in front of my students every weekdays but I’m also a student during weekends. If I find time for myself, I’m opening my social networking sites’ accounts to update myself of my friends’ activities and them of mine. And how it affects my free time? Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are actually consuming all of my lazy hours. Finally, I’m like “I need to write this or that” then drop the idea due to laziness, and what else can it be? I’m a sleepyhead my friends. As if all I want is to sleep, which is an act that my friends have themselves accustomed to already. What can they do? This is the “me” they need to deal with each day anyway. But I’m actually feeling that I’m slowly changing/disposing this sleepy-face-and-attitude since the start of the Christmas Vacation, I’m not sleeping most of the time. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? I really don’t know.

                Anyway, I decided this morning, December 31, 2013, to sit and face my netbook to write. There are things that I can’t say personally to some certain persons so, here.

                I want this to be short! I WANT TO STAY IN A HOUSE ALONE. I have a fair share of experiences that made me think of that DESIRE.

                I started boarding when I was a college student; I share a single room with my sister Joanne and her five classmates. The number is big, but it is quite okay because the room is big. The scene didn’t last long because her classmates decided to move out so my sister and I stayed. Later, other members of our family moved in. My sisters transferred school near the university I studied. I live there without problems; they are family so I can do my will.

                Comes my graduation and my first job. I need to stay in a place with my work friends. Now they are not blood-related in one way or another to me. I stayed there for ten months; my contract is only for one year. I was with eight other boarders, there were times when we’re dealing with misunderstanding but we managed to settle things easily. They are not easy to live with, and maybe I’m also easy to be with. I don’t know! During those moments, living alone did not ever enter my thoughts.

                Here comes the situation that calls for uprising and revolution in my mind. I need to move out! I need to live by myself. I wanted freedom. I don’t want to be told what to do. And, when at home – I somewhat want to escape the problems in my working place which will not happen if I continue sharing an apartment with someone I work with.

                Second job… January 2013, I move in with one of my co-teacher. At the start it was good. There’s no problem. If there are problems related to work, those are immediately solved. Three months passed its graduation already. How time flies too fast! Still, no problem encountered. Summer, I enrolled in MSES-BioChem, it’s the start of my not-yet-spoken-desire-until-now-to-move-out. (If you are reading this and you know who you are, well, I’m not good in doing this orally. I can relate effectively when I’m writing my thoughts down).

                First things first, I know I’m hard-headed at some things. And if you force me to do things that are against my need and will, well, you won’t like my actions. I’m not violent, I won’t talk with you. That’s what I do. And I don’t put much effort in settling with people. And that is what people would not like about me. But, there’s a big “but”, that only happen once in a blue moon. As I have already relayed, I guess I’m easy to live with. Just don’t do things overacted.

                Now, here we roll…

                He’s like “we-do-things-simultaneously” but I’m more of doing things “consecutively” – it doesn’t matter if I do it first or last; I’m used to perform things alone, I’m introvert and reserved. I have this problem; I seldom ask consent from someone in doing something. In like manner, I don’t want others to ask permission from me. One scenario, my classmate told me to apply for a library ID in the graduate schools. And I did. The problem was I failed to inform my co-teacher about the thing, I THOUGHT he will apply somehow. After knowing it, he’s angry. Wow, it made me furious. But don’t think it that way, when I say furious it’s only in my mind. I remember, I’m sharing an apartment with him (we have separate rooms), BUT I DO NOT REMEMBER giving him the idea that WE’LL DO EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME! I did not commit myself to him, for heaven’s sake. Board mates are only board mates! We have a share of things we need to do on our own only. This happened again when my classmates get there ID cord, so I get mine too. I did not tell him because I again THOUGHT he’ll get his. In the matriculation, what we paid for is all listed so if one has a mind, he’ll get what he’s paid for. Right?

                He’s like “I need someone to accompany me” and I’m like again “I can do it myself.” I hate it when I need to rest, I want to sleep, I want to just sit and play with my phone, or I want to read a book then he’ll call me to accompany him, even in buying something that does not concern me. Electric fan for his HRPTA project, amplifier as his project, even other not so important things. I don’t do that, because I value other people’s time and I highly prefer buying things alone. I can do it in the fastest way I could.

                He’s like “pay for the laundry and house cleaning” and I’m like “I can do it.” But when I’m reasoning why I don’t want to ask for other hands to clean my clothes, he’ll stick in my nose the notion that “we do help in paying for their expenses.” Now where will I place myself? I thought I’m living in a democratic country but I feel like I don’t practice my freedom. I’m to do HIS WANTS. He’s 7 years ahead of me that’s why he’s have more say to things, I’m like the “what-he-thinks-I-follow-freak” and I hate it. Me being able to wash my laundry is not just the reason, I also need to help myself to be frugal. But I’m paying for the service every week. It’s becoming a burden already in my part. I guess I can do an action for this matter this 2014. I wish I could do it. Hmmmm. There’s still one reason why I want this paying to end. Read further.

                He says “I’m sensitive” and I say “I don’t mind.” It is somewhat good to be sensitive but don’t be over.

                There are still long lists of reasons WHY I WANT TO MOVE OUT but I notice this is quite long already. But there is one more thing that I want to reason, and I don’t want this to be kept inside my head, I want this expressed.

                To you: GO GET A LIFE! I mean, FIND SOMEONE TO MARRY. This is addressed to you! Think as if I’m talking in your face.

                I hated you from the first night you started touching my body. I even went down to the living room, thinking WHAT THE F**K! You said you’re sorry and you’ll not do it again so I forgive you. Anyway, nothing really happened that night, you only moving your hands in my body. But each time we are sharing the same room, because we have guests to use your bed, I can’t sleep soundly for I am thinking you’ll start rubbing your hands on me again. When I’m already sleeping, I would wake up because I can feel a hand is rubbing my crotch. Your acts made me hate you; feared you more. But I cannot confront you, I’m not vocal and you always act like nothing happened.

                I thought hating and fearing you would end your act but I was so wrong. It continued and all I could do is to sleep but place myself very close to the wall just to be away from you but I’m at your reach whatever I do. I hated myself because I don’t have the strength to confront; I’m only good at BEING SILENT.

                My rights were intruded when one night we were drinking liquor with your friends. I remember saying I cannot take another shot because I’m drunk already but you insisted leading me to my very first vomit due to drunkenness. It does not end there, I was knocked out. I fall asleep easily but I woke up when a hand is harshly touching my body, my arms, and held my manhood. I tried to remove your hands from holding my cock but I’m weak due to that damn liquor. Next thing I know, I was only wearing my shirt. My short and underwear are removed; you were holding my then flaccid cock, jerking it to erect. And I did not like the feeling when your mouth gets hold of my cock. I’m weak! I cannot even stop you and you used my weakness to taste me without my will. I feel like a slave. You know that feeling? I don’t think so.

                From that moment on, I look to you differently. I act like I don’t know that it happened, like I was too drunk to remember. But you have no idea how it changed the way I act towards you. I laugh at your jokes and comment on your questions but it was not like before. I act differently; I don’t respect you the way I did before. And I always want to be home, with my family. Just like what I did before the Christmas party.

                I’m observing you, the way you look, you talk, your facial expressions, your gestures, and how you deal with others especially with the people we worked with. You are open-minded as you said in a Facebook comment. You added that open-minded persons have plenty of friends, yes, but you still need to consider the people you work with each day. I did not buy the way you post status on Facebook, not pointing out the name but it was very obvious. That act a real man cannot do.

                There! Some of my thoughts. I want to live my life without the need to think other people. I want to sleep when I want; I want to eat when I want, where I want and what I want; I want freedom not to be dictated what to do or to follow norms. Yes, I’m act soft because that who I am. I don’t make pretend.

                For your information, at least I’m letting you know. I decided not to watch Vice Ganda’s “Girl, Boy, Bakla, Tomboy” to show my own way of uprising. And I watched Pagpag Movie with college classmate. You need to remember: I do it my own and my way!

                As my favorite line from an-author-I-forgot-the-name goes, “I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectation, nor the world must live up to mine.”

                This entry maybe about my sentiments, as I’ve said. I want these to be told so that I’ll not keep these till 2014. The person is safe for no name is given. He may be known by his friends who knew me only.

                Happy New Year!! 2014, be good to me!

Random Instagram Photos

Here are just some of the photos I uploaded and shared in my other accounts for social networking; Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

Well, since I post anything in this page, I want these to be here too. He he!

#CRAZINESS101

I asked my fourth year students to prepared a speech choir in English class, I gave them the piece and everything. But they were not ready during the day of the presentation. Look at my face, EPIC. Sermon after the activity. I was angry I actually said it was the worst speech choir I have ever watched in my life. I don't mean to hurt them, I just want them to think and be responsible students. I actually compared them to the third year students who also prepared the same activity. They presented way better than the graduating class.

This one was taken before we conducted school campaign.

Another photo before the school campaign. Well, I don't look well in cap. Ha ha

Which of these is mine? Ha ha! I was with Sir Nilo and four other students when we went to Malansad Viejo Elementary School for the school campaign.

Jump shot. Vain! Ha ha

Wahh. Speechless. #Boom

The next three photos were taken during our swimming at Bagadion, Libmanan, Camarines Sur. I was with the fourth year students and their adviser, this happened after the graduation day.

That's me. If you will see me you'll think I'm only a student. I'm so young but mind you, you won't see that when I'm in class specially if students are not acting properly.

Anyway, I just enjoy my life.

You can follow me on instagram, emorej070068 is my username.

Swimming with Graduates 2013 at Bagadion

Yaay. Tapos na ang graduation, natapos na rin ang kainin. Now, it's time for SWIMMING. Malapit lang ito sa school pero we feel like we are in a very famous resort somewhere outside Libmanan. Ang ganda. SUPER! Check out the photos. :)

Definitely will MISS them!! 

Graduation Day

March 20, 2013

Malansad Nuevo High School’s 32nd Commencement Exercises.

Wow! It was a day filled with blending feelings. There is happiness for it’s finally the end of school year; students will march to claim their most awaited object to have in hand, the diploma; it’s also the moment to witness the development of students we teachers nurtured for this school year; a time to celebrate the goodness of the Lord that whatever difficulties these students had in the course of their high school life, they are now closing one page of their books and are now ready for their next pages because He guides them and He shows them the right path. There’s also this feeling of sadness for the students I personally share bonds with will be leaving the school and won’t be seeing just I did this school year 2012-2013. But beyond these things, I feel so fulfilled that I did my best to teach them not only the things that are in the books but also the things they need to face their future.

Time For Me To Speak

Observing first before saying anything is the best strategy I learned during the first two months of 2013. I am in a very bizarre environment that I sometimes think I can no longer continue being the person who has a say to things I believe I have knowledge about, now I am someone who has to just wait the tension pass, acting as if I am not interested. Around me are the king and queens.

If someone has this idea about something, aside from sharing it with the social group, is there really a need to convince someone to make their ideas at equal grounds? Oh come on, we all have our own minds to speak and to decide what’s best for us.

I noticed that people around me talk shits. Talking ill about someone’s life is their business. I believe that speaking someone’s mind is good yet speaking to make others’ image wicked is said to be a different story to be mentioned. I am actually tired listening to someone’s livid of the things he does not want or the problems he thinks should be solved first about the education system. It is normal to notice the so called “bulok na sistema,” but as individual and responsible citizen, one should do something to help and make the system melt.

Our job is to educate the youth, mould their minds to be ready for their future. I am disgusted to the fact that I have co-educators who are not doing their job religiously. One is always absent that students have no knowledge about the subject. Others are around yet they are so busy with other business they just ask the students to rewrite the book in their notebooks. One wants to stop these people yet what this person is doing is to just rant because it’s difficult to make them change since it has become a system already.

Why oh why? Is this really new to me? No, I have sources that these really are happening.

For me, I do not know if I am doing the right thing. I’m performing the tasks I know each of us should do. I do not want to fill my mind with nonsense stuffs; these are wastes not to be absorbed.

I love my job, I cherish my students, I want to see them develop their abilities and talents, I want them to fulfil their dreams, and I want to help them achieve their dreams. I won’t mind the system; I’ll do what I do best: TEACHING.

2012, Wrapped Up

I DON'T KNOW!

It was October 2012 when I last published something in my so called "random page." I've been into new and not so new undertakings, making me preoccupied not to visit this site regularly or even monthly.

Five months of not writing, wow that's an achievement. Hahaha! I mean, I'm writing but it's all related with my work/job/profession. Haha!

In that five months, I was able to enjoy my life. I was able to enjoy the salary I am receiving, I am fulfilled with what I'm doing. I'm HAPPY!

I have able to live by myself and only rely on myself. Anyhow, I am now capable of giving my mother some financial support to help her with the expenses of my siblings who are still in the process of finishing their education.

I enjoy the company of the co-teachers and of my students. We were able to compete in many competitions and fortunately, we were able to win some. I'm so proud whenever the name of my students are called during the awarding ceremonies.

Oh yeah, before I forgot. I'm living in an apartment with my co-teacher. We're sharing the expenses, rent of the apartment, electric and water bills, and foods. Nakakatipid din naman ako. Hahaha!

Christmas Day, I was with my family. Marami din naman kaming pagkain. That's why parang nawalan ako ng gana kumain kasi I can't decide which one to eat.

I watched 3 films (big screen) during the christmas vacation; Sisterakas (I can't stop from laughing), One More Try (love the story), and Enteng (I was bored by this film).

New Year, 2013 na... Naku, wala akong ginawa. I mean, I was at Cabusao. Doon na ako nakapag-celebrate ng New Year. Drinking champagne... Whew!

Anyway, sa kasalukuyan natutuwa ako sa mga nangyayari sa aking buhay. May mga panahon man na malungkot pero mas marami pa rin ang mga panahon na ako ay masaya. Nga pala, akakatawa rin ang English ko, para akong timang. Pagpasensyahan nyo nalang. Hahaha

We Love Eating

There's no way we would let a day pass without EATING. We all love it. We need foods to continue living. Anyhow, last Wednesday we were in a restaurant (I forgot the business name). Here are some of the photos we took.

Rainy Afternoon Pictorial

Yesterday, September 12, 2012 at around 4:00 PM while waiting for the train to pass the uninvited rain pours. I was with my two co-teachers at Malansad Nuevo and each of us has umbrella.

We asked one student to take photos of us. Here are the results, though some were taken blurred.